


Come Back Sunshine

by Anime_Warlord



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Altered Mental States, Angst, Depression, Eren and Jean are married, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Illnesses, Mental Instability, Murder, Not A Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Tears, Triggers, Unintentional Self Harm, Violence, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_Warlord/pseuds/Anime_Warlord
Summary: After a devistating car accident that killed both of Eren's parents and nearly took his own life as well, Eren and Jean are both left permanently damaged. Jean must learn to cope with his new life, until one day he gets a knock on his door with some chilling news.I suck at summaries sorryRead At Your Own Risk





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Super sorry for not updating DTMB, but I promise I will soon! I just need to get on my laptop lmao  
> Anyway I've had this just sitting around so I thought I might as well post it here

Yet another sleepless night. It had been three days since Eren slept through the night, meaning three days since Jean had gotten a decent night's rest.

Eren jolted awake and let out an animalistic noise, tumbling out of his bed. It was close to the ground to prevent injury. All of the walls were padded, a safety measure forced to take. The door was bolted from the outside, and the bedroom floor was scattered with blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. Anything to keep the brunette sated.

For a moment he laid there on the floor, then started to cry without reason. Loud, relentless crying that woke the man in the other room.

Jean sat up in his bed, sighing heavily. He got up and quickly rushed down the hall to Eren's bedroom, uttering comforts as he unlocked and opened the door. "Shh, it's okay, I'm here. Calm... It's okay."

The brunette stopped crying almost the instant he heard the door open. It was amazing, really, how quickly his emotions could shift. He sniffled and yanked a blanket over his head, and Jean quietly shut the door before making his way to the bed. He sat down, looking at the young man on the floor.

This hurt so much. He loved Eren, loved him more than anything in the entire universe. He had always loved him, even years before the accident. But he couldn't tell him. Not until he was better. And he _would_  get better.

"Come here, Eren. Deep breaths, remember? In... out. In... out." Jean knew that Eren didn't understand, that he wouldn't respond, but it seemed like anything he said helped to comfort the other at least a little bit.

Eren peeked up at the man with bloodshot eyes, then slowly rolled over and crawled to the foot of the bed where he was sitting. He curled up at Jean's feet, resting his head on the man's thigh as he started gently combing through chocolate locks of messy hair.

Jean sighed. "Another nightmare, sunshine?"

Eren whimpered.

Usually he woke up for one of three reasons: One, it was too hot or two cold; two, he'd had another night terror; or three, he simply wanted attention. It was always obvious to tell which it was.

"It's okay," Jean soothed. He reached down and very gently pulled Eren up onto the bed, holding him in his arms.

God, how he missed seeing that face smiling at him, that sweet boy laughing and pulling Jean closer. But now Eren was hardly an empty shell. He missed him so much.

The brunette stuck two fingers in his mouth and gnawed on them helplessly, clutching his blanket tight in his other hand. The taller man continued to stroke back his hair gently, because he knew that it had always comforted him in the past. He looked down at the gold band on his finger, grazing a thumb over the smooth metal.

Eren didn't deserve this. Such a loving, passionate boy. Yet both of his parents had been ripped from him in an instant, along with his sanity. Jean prayed he wouldn't be able to remember any of it.

It hurt so much to think about what kind of cruel world does this to someone, someone so dear to his heart. He didn't dare break the steady silence that had come over the two of them.

Eren seemed sated enough, Jean was trapped in his thoughts -- his fears. Slowly, gently, he planted a kiss on the other's forehead. "Soon you'll be okay, sunshine."

The silence that followed Jean's statement was almost suffocating. He wanted to cry, and he felt so pathetic for it. He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be Eren's anchor.

And yet he was so close to breaking down that he wanted to scream.

More than anything he missed waking up every morning to cuddles and kisses and giggles. He missed glancing over to see Eren staring at the ring on his finger, unable to keep the grin from his face. Some day he would have his husband back.

Eren moved. He pulled his fingers from between his teeth and shifted uncomfortably, sinking down in Jean's lap until he could rest his cheek on his stomach. He turned his head, making the most human noise he had in a long time.

The blonde laid down, pulling the other to his side. He wrapped an arm loosely around him so he could pull away if he wanted. Thinking out loud, he said, "I hope you won't remember this when you're better." He sighed softly. "What's going on in that head of yours?" Jean looked down at Eren, who was staring back at him.

Those eyes, that used to be so bright and full of energy, now dull and glazed over.

Blank.

Inhuman.

It broke his heart.

Eren turned his head again, hiding his face. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then shut it again. After a long moment of silence, he let out a low whine. It almost sounded like the word "Trapped".


	2. Chapter 2

"Hm? What was that, Eren? What did you say?" Jean sat up, pulling Eren with him. Very gently, he cupped his face in both hands.

Eren had spoke. He had said "trapped". It had been so long since he'd said anything (not a word after the accident).

The blonde could hardly believe his ears. "Eren, sunshine, can you understand me? Did you speak?  Can you do it again?" The questions were clearly beginning to overwhelm Eren, and he shifted uncomfortably.

While Jean was cupping the bunette's face, he could see how difficult it was for him to make an attempt at understand. "It's okay, it's okay," the man soothed. "Eren.. Can you do it again? Can you try again? For me, yeah?"

Eren whimpered. He pulled away and hid his face against Jean's chest, letting out the same low whine that he had before. It sounded even more like "trapped" than the first time.

"You did it... You did it." Jean couldn't believe it. He cupped his face again, gently tilting his chin up. "Can you understand me, sunshine? Say a few words for me?"

Eren couldn't handle all the questions. He pulled away and slowly shook his head, curling into a ball like a cornered animal. It was obvious that the little miracle moment had been short lived. Jean sighed. For a moment He had thought there was a chance of getting his husband back. He shouldn't have tried to push him.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay." Very carefully, he laid down beside the other and wrapped his arms protectively around him.

This was good. This was progress. Eren had said something. Well... almost, but close enough.

It was clear that Eren was exhausted all of the sudden. He finally closed his eyes, burying his face in Jean's chest and gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly with both hands. After so long, a decent rest would do them both a lot of good.

"You're okay, sunshine. Come back to me soon. Please..." Jean closed his eyes and soothingly rubbed the bunette's back until he was finally lulled to sleep.

That was such a relief. The blonde man relaxed, but he didn't go to sleep.

Instead, he stayed awake for hours, thinking. That was probably the longest that Eren had slept in a very long time, hours that Jean could have used to catch up on his own sleep, but his mind was too crowded to even consider such a thing.

Eren had actually spoken. That was definitely good news. But the problem was... Where would Jean go from there? He clearly couldn't just up and ask questions; it was too overwhelming for Eren to handle.

He was ripped from his reverie when the brunette moved. That was hardly ever a good sign. Unfortunately, the blonde's assumption proved to be correct.

Eren was having phantom pains again.  Meaning that he started scratching himself, mostly in places where he was hurt in the accident. Eren whimpered in his sleep and clawed at his arm where the IV had been while he'd been in the hospital, and that worried Jean. He'd scratched himself to a point where he started bleeding before.

"Hey, hey, Eren... Wake up." Jean grabbed Eren's wrist gently and held it against his chest to keep him from scratching himself more.

That only seemed to agitate him more. He started clawing at his own throat this time.

Jean panicked. He quickly stood up and scooped Eren into his arms, rubbing his back and trying to calm him down. "Hey, it's okay, sunshine. I'm here.. Wake up," he murmured.

Eren's eyes snapped open. He shrieked and dropped his hands, letting out a choked sob. Crisis averted, at least.

The blonde had started to worry he would have to restrain him. "It's okay, you're okay. Nothing's going to hurt you. I'm here, sunshine."

Silence followed, and Jean stood rocking his husband gently back and forth. God, things couldn't get any worse.

Eren cried into the blonde's shirt, his neck red and raw, as well as his arm. At least he wasn't bleeding.

Jean sighed and kissed his forehead softly. "You're okay."


	3. Chapter 3

Eren shuddered violently. "You're okay, Eren. No doctors. It's just me. Just me and you. No needles or  machines, just us." Seeing him like this was so incredibly heartbreaking.

Sometimes Jean let himself think that dealing with the constant every day pain was worse that it would have been to cope with Eren's death.

'What a terrible thought,' he would tell himself. But seeing his husband so broken.. It was almost too much to bear.

His once sunkissed skin was now pale and sickly in color. His once bright eyes were now dull and lifeless. His loving smile... Now nothing but a blank look.

Jean wasn't too great, either. The constant loss of sleep from caring for Eren was evident by the dark circles under his eyes. He only ever went out when he absolutely needed to, and when he did he had to call a nanny that would call him the second Eren started to act up.

The man was in constant worry. No one should have to go through what the love of his life was going through. It just wasn't fair.

" _You should consider pulling the plug... This is no way to live,_ " someone had told him while Eren was still in the hospital.

Of course he rejected the idea.

All of the brunette's friends had given up on him. The blonde no longer contacted his own. They were both completely shut out from the real world.

There would be no one to help them.

It was already almost six o'clock in the morning, Jean guessed. Time seemed to drag on forever now, when years ago there had never been enough of it.

Sometimes he wished that he had been in the accident instead, or that they had been there together. Sometimes he wished that, wished it so they could die in each other's arms, sharing their last loving kiss.

Jean so desperately wanted to feel Eren's soft lips against his own again, but he couldn't allow himself to lose sight of caring for his husband.

The poor brunette would probably have permanent mental health issues like schizophrenia when he got better, if he ever got better.

Finally Jean sat back down on the bed, holding Eren close to his chest and handing him a stuffed animal. He wrapped him up in a blanket. "Go back to sleep, sunshine. I would let you sleep in my room, but there's too many things in there that can hurt you."

Eren curled into a ball and hugged the stuffed toy tightly against himself.

"You're okay. Everything's okay." The blonde laid down, gently stroking the brunette's hair back. Any amount of sleep they could get was much needed.

Jean softly kissed Eren's forehead. "Shh, go to sleep," he sang quietly, "the sun will rise again when you wake. The clouds will part the way and bow before your smile. Sleep, my dear, and dream the dreams of a thousand turtle doves. The world will bow at your feet when you wake." The song slowly quieted and died down.

Eren seemed calm enough, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow as usual. Whether or not he was asleep, Jean didn't know.

 

When Jean heard the little whine, he knew that there was no way they'd be getting any more sleep that day. He sighed.

Alright, maybe they could get some rest later.

"Hey, Eren. Are you hungry? You want something to eat, hm?" He gently nudged the brunette in his arms.

Eren didn't respond, as usual, but Jean knew he would be hungry. After all he'd refused to eat dinner last night.

The blonde stood, tucking his husband under the blankets so he wouldn't get cold and squirm. "I'll be right back, okay? I'm gonna get you some breakfast."

Eren was silent. Jean sighed sadly and slipped out of the room. He made a quick breakfast consisting of oatmeal, milk, and blueberries.

Then he set it all on a tray and made his way back down the hall, pulling a padded chair with leather straps out of the closet. Jean knocked on Eren's door to let him know he was coming in, so as not to startle him.

"Eren, sunshine," he said quietly as he opened the door, dragging the chair in and setting it in the middle of the floor. After setting the tray aside for the moment, he shut the door behind him. Very gently, he lifted Eren from the bed and set him in the chair. "It's time for breakfast, alright? I have to strap you down, but you're okay."

Eren was chewing on his fingers again. He wasn't even kind of listening.

Jean sighed once again and gently pushed the brunette against the backrest, strapping his chest and waist in. Then he took his hands, strapping his wrists to the armrests.

Eren jolted a little as if he had just realized he was being restrained. He whined.

"Shh, it's okay. Just for breakfast, okay?" Jean ruffled his hair and did up the few final straps. Then he picked up the tray and knelt in front of the chair, gently cupping Eren's chin in one hand to make him open his mouth.

"Mm, yummy food," he said, feeding the brunette a spoonful of oatmeal. Eren stilled completely, unsure of how to react. Then he swallowed.

"Good job, sunshine!" Jean praised, kissing his forehead. He knew a positive reaction would help. He fed Eren the rest of his breakfast carefully, offering him little sips of milk every now and then.

The blueberries were a little more difficult to feed him because Eren had a bit of trouble with the concept of chewing.

But Jean was patient. "Come on, sweetheart, you have to chew." He gently stuck a berry between his teeth and helped him shut his mouth, holding it like that for a few seconds until he deemed the fruit crushed enough to swallow, which Eren was able to do without any prompting.

"That's it. You're doing so well. Almost done, okay?" Jean didn't like having to force his husband to rely on him so completely, but there was really no other way to get him to eat.

One by one the blueberries disappeared from the tray until there were no more. Then Jean stood, gently stroking back Eren's hair. "I'll be right back, okay?" He walked out quietly, placing the tray in the sink to wash later.


	4. Chapter 4

When he returned to the bedroom, he immediately undid all of the straps and laid the brunette gently back in bed. He replaced the chair and shut the door, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

As Eren curled up in one corner, holding onto a blanket with one hand, Jean leaned back against the wall and sighed. He refused to give up.

After a long moment of silence, he began to sing again.

" _Heart beats fast_

_Colours and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_

_But watching you stand alone,_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow._

 

_One step closer_

 

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid._

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more._

 

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all he is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour has come to this_

 

_On_ _e step closer_

 

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid._

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more._

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

 

_One step closer_

_One step closer_

 

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more'..._ "

As the last note faded into the silence of the room, Jean closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. "God, Eren, come back to me..." Only more silence followed. Whether or not Eren was asleep, he didn't know. He just wished something should show him that the love of his life was still in there somewhere.

Seconds turned into minutes, and as time passed the silence became heavier and heavier. "..A-ah... Jean.."

Jean jolted and swiveled his head, staring down at Eren in complete shock. Was he hearing things? Did he actually hear his name? Maybe he was going crazy. That's it. He was finally losing it after so long.

"Eren..? Sunshine, did you say something?" ? If that in fact had been Eren, he made no sign to show it. He stared blankly at Jean as he always did, toying with his bottom lip.

There was still hope behind the blonde's eyes. He took the other's hands gently in his own and looked into his eyes. "Eren, sunshine, do you know who I am? Can you say my name, honey? Please..."

Eren blinked. Words clearly weren't getting through.

Maybe something else would work. Jean took the brunette's hand and held it flat against his chest, just above his heart. "Come on. You can do it, I know you can. Do you recognize me? Can you say something, anything at all? For me, yeah?"

Silence.

Jean bit his lip. He knew it could scare the other if he did things too quickly, but he knew he heard something. He put Eren's hand on his cheek and leaned forward. "I know you can do it, sunshine, come on."

Still no response.

"Eren! Eren, please!" Jean shook the brunette lightly. "Please come back! I need you! Please..." This time it was the blonde's turn to break down. Tears spilled from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks as he loosened his grip on Eren's shoulders, dropping his head to the other's chest.

He pulled him closer and sobbed quietly while Eren stared at the ceiling, eyes wide.

"Please, I need you... C-Come back, sunshine..."


	5. Chapter 5

A month passed after that night. Nothing else out of the ordinary (for them at least) happened. Jean tried every day to try to get Eren to speak again, but to no avail. After two weeks he'd given up and went back to caring for him as usual.

It was around noon, and Jean was busying himself in the kitchen making lunch for Eren. He'd have to bathe him later.

And of course, he could worry about it later. Right now, food was the most important.

Even with the suffocating silence of the house, Jean tried to hum a happy tune as he cooked to rid his mind of dark thoughts. He actually had started to consider pulling the plug. Eren was miserable, and it was no way to live. Trapped in his own mind.

There was a knock on the door. Jean dropped his spatula on the floor and cursed under his breath, wiping his hands on the front of his pants.

Who on Earth would show up at his house? For any reason? He never received mail, his friends never called and never visited, his mother lived back home in France. Could it be for Eren...? No. He was dead to the outside world.

Jean shook his head as he walked to the front room, unlocking and opening the door. "..Yeah?"

A blonde man with tattoos and a well-built stature stood in the doorway, looking very, very uncomfortable.

"Hey, hi, uh... You're.. ahem.. You're Jean Kirschtein, right?"  
Jean raised an eyebrow. "Yeah... And who are you, exactly?"

The man hesitated. "Well, uh, you see... My name is Reiner Braun. I would've come sooner, but... I just got out of prison."

" _Prison_? Sorry, but I'm confused. You know me, saying you had some plan to come here. But I don't know who the fuck you are." Jean crossed his arms.

Reiner tugged at his collar and swallowed a lump in his throat. "Yes... you kinda do know me. I-I've changed a lot since I got out of recovery and went to prison... Uhm.. I'm the guy that h-hit your husband and his parents."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhahahahhh cliffhangers


	6. Chapter 6

Jean's eyes widened, and he stumbled backwards a few steps. There was no way. No. Possible. Way.

Reiner became increasingly uncomfortable and opened his mouth to speak, but Jean wouldn't give him the time of day. He reeled back and threw his fist, slamming a punch straight into the other man's face.

Before he could get over the initial shock and pain, Jean grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down to eye level.

"You've got some nerve showing up here," he hissed venomously. "Do you have any idea what kind of pain you put him through? What gives you the right to think you can just walk up to my doorstep like that?!"

Reiner held his hand over his bleeding nose. "Look, man, I'm sorry! I did a lot of stupid shit back then, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't fucking fix it! 'Stupid' does not begin to describe what you did to my Eren! Both of his parents are dead, and that accident fucked up his mind so much that I have to keep him locked in a padded room!" Jean shouted. His anger completely overran any rational decisions. "Do you have any idea what you did to him?!"

Without thinking, he dragged Reiner inside and down the hall, growling at him as he stopped by Eren's door. "This... this is what you did." He glared at Reiner.

The man staggered and furrowed his brows. "Look man, I-"

"Shut the fuck up. Don't say a single word." Jean opened the door, revealing his husband.. The heartbreaking sight he had to go through every day. "This is what your bad decision did. You. Broke. Him."

Eren flinched and curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth on the bed before he rolled off and hid behind it. He made a tiny animalistic noise, burrowing under a pile of blankets.

Reiner gaped at the sight in front of him and glanced over at Jean, who looked close to tears. "You took his family from him. He loved his mother more than almost anything. You took his sanity. He used to be so happy, he used to be the most independent person I'd ever met. He hated asking help from anybody. You destroyed him."

Jean wiped his eyes and turned to face Reiner. "Did you really think you could just apologize and have everything be okay?" He scoffed bitterly, shaking his head as he looked down at the floor. "God, you stole the most important thing in my life. He means the world To me.. And you took him."

After a moment of silence, Reiner coughed and spoke. "Listen, I know I messed up. I'm so, so sorry for what I did. I was a fool back then. I went to prison as soon as I got out of the hospital for what I did. I thought... You know, back then I thought 'It can't really be that bad,' but I was wrong. Okay? I see that now. I sobered up. I.. I haven't even craved a drink since I got back."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Jean's eyes narrowed slightly, but Reiner quickly shook his head. "Don't expect me to accept your apology."

"No, no, of course not. I don't expect that... I just... I needed to say I'm sorry." It went quiet again until Eren whined.

Jean sighed. "Look, I need to get him fed. You should go." He walked into the room and dug the brunette out from under the blankets, scooping him up and setting him back on the bed. "You're okay," he whispered.

Reiner bit his lip. "I really do feel awful... Ah.. There has to be something I can do. Anything at all. I'd like to help."

Jean laughed humorlessly and brushed Eren's hair back from his face. "You know what you can do? You can get the fuck out of my house before I give you another bloody nose. You're lucky I don't kill you! I think you've done quite enough." He stepped forward and shoved Reiner away from the bedroom door, forcing him to back away. "Get. Out." He gave him one last shove that almost sent him crashing to the floor.

"I-I really am sorry, man, I mean it," Reiner stuttered, tripping over himself as he turned and practically ran out the door.

Jean slammed it shut behind him. He turned the stove off, went to Eren's room, and cradled him in his arms. When the weight of the situation settled in, he hid his face and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

Almost every day, for two straight weeks, Jean would open his door to find a package on his doorstep for Eren. Various gifts, mostly including blankets, electric heating pads, and stuffed animals, would be inside. He knew who they were from.

The heating pads, he put away. He couldn't give those to Eren. The blankets, he washed before he gave them to him. And the stuffed animals, he had to go through and pull off all the plastic eyes and noses - they weren't safe - before he even considered putting them in Eren's room.

The constant gifts were rather annoying. One day, as Jean was pulling off the beads on another large stuffed bear, he cursed under his breath. Did that guy really think gifts would make him more willing to forgive? Eren didn't even seem to be interested in any of them.

Once Jean had pulled off the eyes, he sighed and walked into Eren's room, setting the stuffed toy with all the rest - piled up in the corner. "Another present for you, sunshine. How exciting, huh?"  
Eren shivered and stared up at Jean, seemingly unaware of the world around him.

Then, out of the blue, he screamed. He kicked and he screamed and he fell out of his bed, thrashing wildly on the floor. Jean's eyes widened, and he immediately jumped to action.

"Eren, sunshine, stop! You're okay!" He shouted, kneeling down and lifting Eren off the floor. It was incredibly difficult because the brunette continued to struggle, clawing at his own arms and throat.

These outbursts had been happening a lot more often recently, and they terrified Jean to no end. He laid the other down as gently as possible and quickly got to work handcuffing his wrists to the bed posts. Leather, fur-lined handcuffs that Eren would have _loved_ under different circumstances. But now... they were simply there for restraint - chained to the bed.

Jean quickly did the same with Eren's wildly kicking feet, then sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to soothe him.

"You're okay, sunshine, calm down!" Try as he might, Jean didn't think he would be able to get the man to calm down any time soon.

Eren struggled like no other against the restraints, screaming as if he were being cut into without anesthetics. He was in a complete state of panic, and Jean didn't know what to do. He couldn't just leave his beautiful husband screaming and strapped to his own bed. But he didn't know what to do.

"Eren, please! You need to calm down, sunshine, you need to breathe!" He shouted. He had no idea if Eren could hear him or if he even understood, but the screaming and thrashing didn't cease.

Finally Jean stood and walked out. There was no possible way Eren could harm himself, especially tied down like that, so Jean really didn't think it would be too horrible of a decision. He quietly shut the door behind him, rubbing his temples as he walked down the hall to the living room.

How could he be expected to do this for the rest of his life? He loved Eren more than anything, but this was too much. It broke his heart every single time he had to walk into that room and see how utterly damaged his husband was.

God, it was all that damn Reiner Braun's fault. They could have lived a long and happy life, but that idiot drunk had to go and take it all away.

Jean's rage, anger, and sadness all boiled together in the pit of his stomach, consuming all of his thoughts. How hopeless and sad it is when a man finally loses control, after year upon year of hardship.

As the blonde sat down on the couch, hanging his head in his hands, he began to reflect back on the life he had once.

Laughing with Eren...

Bright green eyes with flecks of gold and blue that changed color, depending on his mood...

Dreams of travelling far and wide together...

Their honeymoon...

Their first dance...

Their first kiss...

Waking up together after their first time...

The inside jokes and cute secrets...

Eren blushing whenever he caught Jean staring...

God, how he missed his beautiful husband.

 

Hours passed before Jean no longer heard the screams and wails from the other room. He was beyond relieved when it did finally cease, and he shook himself from his thoughts, standing up. Very slowly, he made his way down the hall and opened the door to Eren's room, revealing him panting and staring up at the ceiling, completely worn out.

"Hey, hey," Jean murmured gently. He sat down at the edge of Eren's bed and stroked back his hair lovingly. It hurt so much to think that someone who used to be so independent now couldn't even stand on his own.

Jean knew this would be complete torture to Eren, being forced to rely on someone else. For anything. That just wasn't him.

Eren squirmed, pulling Jean out of his reverie. "You want me to uncuff you, sunshine? Here, I'll uncuff you. You're okay, I promise." Very carefully, he kissed the brunette's forehead and undid all of the restraints, lifting him up into his arms.

"See? All better now. Are you tired? Do you want to sleep?"

  
Eren only squirmed again and started chewing on his fingers, something he often tended to do. Why, Jean didn't know.

He sighed softly and rocked the brunette gently back and forth. "You're okay. I'm gonna make everything better..." His voice was dark, dangerous, almost deadly when he said the last sentence.

Obviously there was something swimming in his mind. Something... far more lethal than anything that had ever crossed his mind. The man stared at the wall, an almost evil look on his face.

"I'm gonna make everything okay again, sunshine..." He whispered, planting another soft kiss on Eren's forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, my dear Reiner lovers  
> This will break your heart

For days, Jean paced back and forth throughout his house. Was it really worth the risks? It definitely wouldn't bring Eren or his parents back. But maybe it would do something... Maybe, just maybe Jean would gain some sense. Sense of what, exactly? What could he possibly hope to gain by doing something like _that_?

There were many alternatives, but of course they were ignored. Some days, when he thought about it, Jean feared that he was finally losing his mind. There was no way he would allow himself to lose it, simply no way. Right?

No, no, no, he musn't second guess himself. He had to believe he could keep it together, or he definitely would lose it. And then Eren would have no one to care for him. He would hurt himself or starve to death, and Jean refused to let that happen. He was determined to keep himself in check.

Determined. Yes, determination. That's what he lacked. Something he could easily fix.

What was he thinking? There was no way he could do such a thing. But really... What difference would it make? Jean laughed, laughed at himself and laughed at the world. Of course it wouldn't make a difference.

What effect would it have on him though?

That didn't matter, he decided. Multiple times he thought it through, and multiple times he talked himself out of it. But now...

Now, as he paced the hallway, raking his hands through his hair, he thought up a way to do it and not have to worry about the affect. He and Eren would be able to live together happily, peacefully someday, so it didn't even matter.

Jean wasn't worried anymore. Although, he was still a bit unsure. What if he couldn't actually go through with it? What if the opportunity never even arose? Ah, but it would. He was sure of that. The opportunity would come. In fact, it would come much sooner than he imagined...

It took a week and multiple trips back and forth (mainly because the nanny would call and complain), but Jean finally had everything planned and ready to go.

He bought a handgun and a silencer, strong sleeping pills, and a bottle full of lethal poison and a syringe (How he got his hands on the lethals and sleep aid, he would never disclose). Along with all that, he bought security cameras and ingredients to make one of Eren's favorite foods.

Hopefully he would actually accept it. It was so hard to get him to eat real food sometimes.   
Jean installed the security cameras at the front door, setting up a screen on both the television and his phone. That way he could watch day and night, ever from Eren's room.

It was a quiet day, calm and peaceful, and Jean was wondering if he should really go through with the whole thing.

There was no turning back, though, not after he'd gone through all that trouble of getting stuff.

Humming an eerie tune, Jean spent the day in the kitchen making various foods. It was a special occasion, after all, and Eren deserved to eat real food.

Just as he put the German chocolate cake in the oven, he noticed movement on the TV. He walked into the living room and watched, with narrowed eyes, as Reiner Braun himself left yet another package on the doorstep.

There was no longer time to second guess. Jean grabbed something off the table, opening the door before Reiner had the chance to walk away. "Quit bringing gifts," he demanded, one hand behind his back.

Reiner jumped and immediately put up his hands. "S-sorry man, I just thought... I just thought that it would help. Kinda?"

Jean snarled. "Well stop thinking. In fact... Do me a favor and-" He pulled the object from behind his back, glaring coldly as Reiner's eyes widened in horror. "-Stop breathing." The sound of a silenced gunshot and a heavy thud were all that followed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a bit triggering, mentions of drug overdose - but don't worry, no one dies from it

Jean dropped the gun and hurriedly dragged the body inside, laying it on the kitchen floor. Then he rushed back outside and cleaned up all the blood, took down the security camera, and went back inside.

"Holy shit," he muttered, washing his hands after he dropped the gun on the table. "I just.. I just killed a man..." He couldn't believe that he had actually done such a horrific thing.

That was the day that Jean Kirschtein finally lost his mind.

Laughing, pacing back and forth, he watched the blood dry on Reiner's body. "I killed a man. I gave my husband the justice he deserves. Oh Eren," he called, heading to Eren's room. He opened the door, smiling softly when he saw the brunette in the corner hugging a large stuffed dog.

"Sunshine," he murmured as he walked into the room, kneeling in front of Eren to catch his attention.

Eren sniffed and lifted his head, staring up at Jean and rocking back and forth.

The man smiled and stroked through that velvety soft hair. "I think you need a bath, yeah? I'll wash you with some nice warm water, okay sunshine?"

Eren, oblivious, bit the toy's ear and started chewing on it. Jean simply kissed his forehead and stood, leaving the room to prepare a bucket of warm water and a wash cloth. It was a bit difficult to wash a person this way, but he couldn't risk taking Eren to the bathroom where he could hurt himself.

Jean brought a stool and a pile of towels into the room, then everything else he needed. Very gently, he pulled off Eren's thin clothes, staring at him for a moment.

On second thought.. The brunette couldn't possibly hurt himself as long as the blonde was there to stop him. Jean decided they would take a real bath together, scooping Eren up and carrying him to the bathroom.

The environment made Eren uneasy, and he buried his face in Jean's chest.

"That's it, sunshine, you're okay," Jean soothed, setting him down on the floor and quickly undressing himself. He would pretend, for now, that nothing had happened.

That there wasn't a dead man on his kitchen floor.

Once the man was fully naked, he got the bath ready and cradled Eren in his arms, humming that same eerie tune.

Maybe he wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe he had finally gone mad. But who was it that defined sanity? Who decided such things? For all Jean knew, only Eren was sane, while everyone else was insane.

It was an interesting notion.

  
When the bath was full, Jean turned off the water and stroked back his husband's hair as he slowly sat down in the tub, kissing his forehead. "See? Isn't this much better than that dark room, hm?"

Eren squirmed. It had been years since he'd gotten a real bath, since he'd even been out of that Godforsaken room. It was very possible that he wasn't mentally stable enough to handle all this.

  
So far, however, everything seemed to be going fine. Until... Eren started to cry.

Jean sighed and shook his head, gently rocking the brunette back and forth. "Shh, shh, you're okay. Guess what, sunshine? I killed the bad man. The bad man who took you from me.. He's in Hell where he belongs now."

Eren sniffled, curling up into a tighter little ball. Whether he understood or not, no one could know, but it didn't make a difference either way.

Jean remembered that he had a cake in the oven and wet Eren's hair, deciding to make the bath quick. "Let's get you all clean, mm?" He made fast and gentle work of getting his husband nice and clean again, then drained the water and pulled him out of the tub, wrapping him up in a towel.

  
Jean sighed, ruffling Eren's hair as he went back into his room.

"I'm making your favorite things today, sunshine," he said softly, setting the brunette down on his bed. He would dress him later.

  
As he turned to leave, he whispered, "I love you."

Then he walked back into the kitchen, shutting Eren's bedroom door behind him. Once again he started to hum that eerie tune, washing the dishes he didn't need and making the special frosting for the cake that Eren had always loved.

When it was done, he crushed up the sleep aid pills in a plastic bag.

The oven beeped, and Jean carefully pulled out the cake.

  
While it was cooling, he finished crushing up the pills and set the plastic baggy aside, then stepped over Reiner's body. He grabbed a few black garbage bags and wrapped up the body, dragging it downstairs where he threw it nonchalantly in a closet.

When he went back upstairs, he heard the soft padding noises of Eren dragging himself around his room. He was probably cold.

Jean washed his hands and frosted the cake, slicing it into small pieces. Still humming that eerie tune, he put one slice on a plate and sprinkled half the entire bag of crushed up, strong sleeping pills on it. A twisted smile spread across his face as he took the plate and walked down the hall to Eren's room.

"Sunshine, I'm coming in," the man called, slowly opening the door. Eren had dragged himself once again to a corner and was currently chewing on the edge of his towel. Jean smiled. "Come here, Eren. I made your favorite. Let's eat, and then you can go to sleep, yeah?"

After setting the slice of cake down, he picked Eren up and set him on the bed. "You don't have to be strapped up this time."

The blonde picked up the cake and sat down next to his husband, cupping his chin in one hand as he fed him a bite.

Eren held it there on his tongue and stared at the floor, then finally accepted the cake and ate that bite.

Now it would only be a matter of time before the drug took affect.  
Jean fed him bite after bite until entire slice of cake was gone, then he pulled the brunette into his lap and cradled him lovingly.

"Go to sleep, honey. Go to sleep. Everything will be better when you wake up, I promise." He began to hum softly as he rocked back and forth, watching Eren's dim eyes struggling to stay open.

Finally Eren began to go limp. His vision blurred, and it made him start to panic, but he blacked out before he could really react.

Jean smiled softly. "I love you, Eren..." He leaned down and hesitantly kissed the brunette's soft lips.


	10. Chapter 10

After about five minutes, Jean carefully set Eren down on the bed and tucked him in. "I'll come back in a few minutes," he whispered, even though the brunette was unconscious. Taking a deep breath, he turned and left the room.

The man went into his own bedroom and dug through the closet until he found what he was looking for.

The beautiful white dress that Eren had worn at their wedding.

  
Jean smiled softly at the memory of their vows. The words that brought them both to tears, their first dance, their honeymoon.

Ah, how he missed all of those memories. They had only been married for about a year when Eren and his parents had gotten in that accident.

Shaking off the memory, he grabbed his white wedding tux from the closet.

He laid both outfits across the bed and smiled, stroking the fabric of the dress. Eren looked absolutely stunning in it.

Jean sighed, picked up the dress, and went back to Eren's bedroom. Seeing that beautiful sleeping face nearly brought tears to the man's eyes. He pulled off the blanket and started dressing Eren quietly in his wedding gown. It was always easier to get him dressed when he was asleep.

Once he was fully dressed, Jean laid him back down and kissed his hand. God, Eren was so beautiful.

The blonde stood and smiled, stroking his husband's cheek and then leaving the room once more.

It was late in the evening by now, just a little past seven. Jean got dressed in his wedding tuxedo and brushed his hair back, making himself look just as wonderful as he had on their wedding day.

Humming that eerie tune to himself, he slipped on his dress shoes and stuffed his keys in his pocket. Then he grabbed something from his bedside table and put that in his pocket as well, going back to Eren's room.

"We're gonna go have some 'us' time, sunshine. Like a second honeymoon. You'll like that, won't you Eren?" Jean smiled. He carefully picked up his unconscious husband, carrying him outside to the car. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HnGHH emotions ;^;

After Jean had the brunette situated in the backseat, he got in the driver's seat and started the car. The sun would be setting soon, and he knew the perfect place to watch it set. He and Eren used to go there all the time.

Turning on the radio to the song they'd danced to at their wedding, he started the quiet drive to a hilltop on the outskirts of town. Honestly he was surprised by how incredibly peaceful it seemed.

But of course... That only makes sense.

The drive wasn't too long, and soon they arrived at the bottom of the hill. It was beautiful there. Fresh air, no trees to block the view, perfect scenery, and soft green grass.

Jean got out of the car and climbed to the top of the hill, setting up a blanket that he'd left in the trunk before he went back to the car and carefully pulled Eren out. He hummed softly as he carried him up to the top of the hill, laying him gently down on the blanket.

It was so.. peaceful, his sleeping face. Yes. Peace. Peace wasn't so far, even for them.

The man laid down next to his husband and pulled his sleeping form close.

"Look, sunshine," he whispered. "We're just in time for the sunset." He knew how much Eren always loved to watch the sunset. Even though he was asleep, the sentiment was still there. Right? Of course.

Jean took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, enjoying the soft breeze and changing colors in the sky. It was no wonder why this used to be one of Eren's favorite things to do. Even though it was a little chilly, it was bearable.

And what a perfect way to spend their night, dressed in their wedding clothes to bring back old memories. Ah, it was really beautiful.

Just too bad Eren couldn't properly enjoy it...

Jean knew they would be able to enjoy things together soon, though. He had lost his hope, but a new kind of hope had him smiling. The weight of what he'd done didn't seem to even phase him.

The man has truly lost his mind, his heart, and his hope.

As the sun sank lower and lower in the sky, Jean glanced over at his beautiful sleeping husband. Soft cheeks glowing in the dim light, dark lashes casting shadows over his features. Long, whispy hair shifting in the soft breeze.

He looked so peaceful.

Jean wore a small, but loving smile on his face. "Soon we'll be ourselves again. Don't you worry, sunshine." Very carefully, he leaned over and pressed a small kiss to Eren's forehead.

Everything would be okay again. He could promise himself that much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! I hope you guys didn't cry too much, I know I did just writing this. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

When the sky became completely dark and the moon decided to show itself, Jean slipped his free hand in his pocket while the other played with his husband's hair. His fingers wrapped around the objects hidden within his pocket.

Maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea. No, it was too late now. He'd already murdered the man who ruined his life. They could no longer turn back. Not only that, but he wasn't even thinking clearly enough to make any other decision.

Humming quietly, Jean pulled Eren closer with his free hand and watched with loving eyes as he curled up on his side.

Sometimes the brunette resembled a child all too much. It used to make his husband laugh, in turn causing him to flush with embarrassment.

They would have those moments again. They would have everything they used to, and more.

Jean repeatedly made that promise, and he wasn't one to ever break a promise. "Don't you fret, love. We'll see each other real soon," the blonde whispered, slowly pulling the object out of his pocket as he pressed a soft kiss to Eren's lips.

Slowly pulling away, Jean lifted his hand and stared at the object in his palm. It was dark, but he could still see well enough to do this right. He would never, ever want to hurt his gorgeous husband. That would be the absolute lowest thing he could ever possibly do.

Only a cruel bastard harmed their spouse.

And of course, Jean would never dream of such a thing.

He sat up and pressed yet another chaste kiss to Eren's forehead, then peppered his face with many more soft kisses. "I love you. I love you so fucking much, Eren. You mean everything to me. Soon we'll see each other again... I love you," Jean whispered in between kisses.

Eren shifted, but did not wake. Jean took the objects in his hand - the bottle of lethal poison and the syringe - and stared at them. This was not the end, no. This was their second beginning.

The man slowly filled the syringe with poison. The bottle held enough to kill almost fifteen grown men, but he was only using small dosages for now.  
He pulled something else out of his pocket - Eren's wedding ring. Taking a deep breath,  he slipped it on Eren's finger and then carefully injected the poison in his arm.

Hardly a few seconds passed before he had the syringe full again. Jean injected it into his own arm and threw both the bottle and the syringe, laying back down and pulling Eren against his chest as he waited for the poison to take affect.

"I love you more than anything," he mumbled. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Eren's, feeling his body go limp in his arms.

Seconds after, his own body began to go limp. His vision blurred; the world around him faded.

The last thing Jean ever saw was Eren's beautiful, peaceful face.

Frozen in time by death itself.

**The End**


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